ramadan

my world cannot sleep
with the tinnitus of silence,
my 3 am soaked in the rousing scent
of lemon drops and apple cider vinegar
that dress up the onion and watercress
salad for the suhūr meal waiting
in the kitchen, while my wife
naps peacefully for a few more minutes
perhaps again murmuring in her dreams,
her conversation with a washing machine
that launders like the sea
we have not visited since the start
of this ramadan.

we do not mind what we cannot see
the drones stealing in the night
the silence of the tinnitus,
the intercept of ballistic missiles
crashing onto sidewalks and cartops,
we cannot see, except
when wannabe paparazzi decide
to splash the images on social media and
the morning news.

moments earlier at 1 am the masjid
across the street has been filled
with supplicants seeking
the night of decree, a night
greater than a thousand months,
prayerful behind the imam whose tears
while singing verses from the qur’an
could melt the sins from my hands, my heart
i still cannot fathom, but in silence
i move with rows of worshippers,
entrained and measured, to peacefulness
as we flow in, and at 2 am
flow out of the masjid, now empty
but for the suhūr meal in our kitchens
until dawn when the next prayer is called

for destiny to pull us forward
to prove an elusory determinism,
a quantum truth if truth be told,
that time does not merely bring us consequences
— we already know this —
but that time moreso flows backward
to fill in the gaps of explaining
our present as a mercy and a grace,
this fate, among many fates:

that in the early morning
a clear pastel sky would be softly diffused
by a gentle breeze across dreamy eyes
and emerging horizon.

–  © said sadain 2019

Notes:

Suhūr – a light meal consumed by Muslims before the break of dawn to start them on their fast from dawn to dusk

Ramadan – the ninth month of the Islamic Hijri calendar, lasting either 29 or 30 days, depending on the sighting of the new moons marking the month’s start and end; a month devoted by Muslims to fasting and special night prayers

Masjid – Muslims’ house of worship, better known as the mosque

The Night of Decree (also, The Night of Power) – the Laylatul Qadr , as revealed in the Qur’an:

Indeed, We revealed [the Qur’an] during the Night of Decree. And what can make you know what is the Night of Decree? The Night of Decree is better than a thousand months. The angels and the Spirit descend therein by permission of their Lord for every matter. Peace it is until the emergence of dawn. (Qur’an 97:1-5)

Imam – a person leading Muslims in a congregational prayer; he could be a king or a cleaner, an elderly or a young man, he is usually imam by virtue of how well he can recite the Qur’an

Qur’an – the holy book of Islam

Time-symmetric quantum mechanics – a deterministic theory of quantum mechanics which espouses that actions carried out in the future can affect the here and now. This backward causality has already been shown to be supported by empirical data since around 2009. Implication: there is such a thing as destiny that moves us forward. The margin of error in the empirical data however still confounds, but nevertheless, hints that there could be many such destinies to satisfy our craving for free will.

— SS, 3 June 2019 (29 Ramadan 1440)